Why Have Children?
Originally published at Time of Grace
Something must be in the water, because lately a whole slew of young married couples have gotten pregnant at our church. I’ve warned them about joining one of our small group Bible studies: “Be careful. Everyone who joins this group winds up pregnant.”
Joking aside, I’m thankful to see so many young people welcoming the blessings of marriage and children. For the last few decades, it seemed like the young people I knew were all delaying marriage and the blessings of children. (At the same time, I know a number of couples who desperately want children, but they are suffering in silence, mourning their infertility or a series of miscarriages. May the good Lord have mercy and grant his peace to such couples. I’m praying for you in this moment.)
Below are three things I’ve heard people say to rationalize delaying having children:
“First, we want to get financially secure, then we want to get married, and eventually we will have children.” Assumption #1: Marriage and children are a financial burden. It’s best to wait until we have “enough” money.
“We are not ready to have children. First, we want to enjoy our lives, travel, and have some fun. Then we can settle down and have children.” Assumption #2: Children are a burden. They will suck the fun out of life.
Finally, I’ve heard some people lament, “Why would I want to bring children into this messed-up world? Why would I intentionally create a being that could possibly suffer so much?” Assumption #3: Children will experience and bring unnecessary suffering.
I understand those assumptions. I’ve had the same concerns. But that’s why I’m encouraged to see so many young people getting married and having children or even adopting. I remind them that such decisions are courageous acts of faith. Yes, children have lots of needs that can cost lots of money. They demand our time and attention. And they can get sick and suffer. But those challenges lead us to trust in the Lord our Maker. And that’s why children can be one of the greatest gifts that God could give us.
Lately, I’ve had a few couples ask me about parenting. They want to know if I have any secrets to raising children. The only advice I usually give is that children need to see our faces and feel our touch. It is through such love and attention that they learn the security of their heavenly Father. I tell them that God has given them instincts to do everything else. Even if this is their first child, a mother knows how to care for her kid. A father knows how to raise a child. Through trial and error, parents figure it out.
But surprisingly, there is another reason to have and adopt children (lots of them, if God wills) and to give your life to raising them: Children force us to grow up into the people we are supposed to be. Their constant need of attention and care demands that we forget ourselves so that we can focus on the life of another. As Jesus taught us, we learn to serve instead of being served.
Just like our eyes don’t function well when they see themselves (like when we have an eye floater or cataract), so we don’t function well when we put all the focus on ourselves. But marriage and children demand that we look elsewhere. And that’s a good thing. At the same time, so much of their survival and success is outside our control and mandates a life of trust and prayer to the One who is actually in control.
When I see young couples take the step of faith and start a family, it encourages this middle-age soul. I know they are starting a journey that will be filled with challenges, frustrations, worries, and unspeakable joys. I also know that through all the late-night feedings and endless diaper changes, God will form these parents more and more into his likeness.
